Fox News Enemy #1 in the War on Easter: Pagan Egg Hunts

 Posted by on 24 Mar 2013  You Don't Like Amurka You Can Git Out
Mar 242013
 

Useful idiots. They’re everywhere, amirite? Especially in a nation with a gazillion Christians. Some portion of these Christians are fully deranged, and some even smaller portion of those deranged Christians manage to have successful careers in academia. (Murika!)

Like this lady, here, Professor Carol Swain from Vanderbilt University, who has reached the Mecca of insane religious people with a right-wing political agenda by appearing as some sort of authority on something on Fox News.

We all know there’s a War on Easter, right? Right? Because Bill-O said it they other night, on the teevee, and therefore it is so. So now we must “discuss” this War on Easter as if it is a Thing and that’s what Ms Swain is here to do.

Via Crooks and Liars:

Watters asked, “What effect do you think this has on children growing up? Are they gonna grow older and realize this was all nonsense? Or do you think this is going to stick with them and they’re gonna pass this kind of stuff on to their kids?”

Swain replied:

It all depends on what the Christians in America do. The last survey that I saw, 78% of Americans profess to be Christians. If they are Christians, they should not be participating in pagan egg hunts. If Easter is removed from the egg hunts, then it’s a meaningless pagan holiday. And they need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with their children. And they need to begin to speak up. We, the people, need to speak up and fight for our traditions and values. We need to organize, use social media and boycott.

Social media! Boycott! Because…pagan egg hunts! Wait – what? Sometimes the stupid is just too painful.

#WAR

David Barton Whitesplains Why ‘We Had to Destroy Indian Tribes’ Until They Became Civilized

 Posted by on 21 Mar 2013  DUH
Mar 212013
 

There must be something in the Internet Water, because ever since CPAC, the surge of batshit conservative vomit pouring out has been impossible to control.

Case in point: fake historian David Barton would like to explain some things about the people that the Europeans had to genocide to steal this Shining City on a Hill that we have today, which, by the way, has been so nice to Native Americans, should they even be complaining??

Real simple-like:

A lot of it is based on what you have to do to secure justice and to secure the protection of life and liberties for your citizens and you do what you have to do at times, but you play on the rules sometimes that the other guys have set up. And if they’re not going to negotiate with things like the Geneva treaty or other rules of civilization, you still have to secure the life and the property and the protection of your citizens.

…What happened was the Indian leaders said “they’re trying to change our culture” and so they declared war on all the white guys and went after the white guys and that was King Philip’s War.  It was really trying to be civilized on one side and end torture and the Indians were threatened by the ending of torture and so we had to go in and we had to destroy Indian tribes all over until they said “oh, got the point, you’re doing to us what we’re doing to them, okay, we’ll sign a treaty.”

…Take, for example, what happened in the western plains wars in the late 1800s when we were taking on the plains Indians.  I’m not talking about treaties, I’m not talking about behavior of Americans toward Indians or vice versa, there were violations on both sides of nearly every treaty.  I’m talking about what happened in ending those wars after Custer and everything that went on.

People complain about the fact that the American military and buffalo hunters went out and wiped out all the buffalo in the western plains.  Doing that was what brought the Indians to their knees because the Indians lived on those wide western plains where there were very few towns; Indians didn’t go into town to buy supplies, they went to the buffalo herds, that’s where they got their meat, that’s where they got their coats, the hides provided coats, they provided covering for their teepees.

If you don’t have the buffaloes, those Indians cannot live on the open western plains without those buffalo and so what happened was the military wiped out the supply line by wiping out the buffalo.  That’s what brought those wars to an end, that’s what brought the Indians to their knees and ended all the western conflict.

Possibly the best part of this little gem – ignoring the fact that millions of people actually respect this man and do not think he is a blatant history revisionist, because thinking about that will just make us sad – is that part about the treaties:

I’m not talking about treaties, I’m not talking about behavior of Americans toward Indians or vice versa, there were violations on both sides of nearly every treaty.

See? Both sides! Come to think of it, I can’t even remember who stole what land from and proceeded to systematically genocide whom! Let’s just call it even.

Ralph Reed Makes ‘The Case Against Same-Sex Marriage’, Falls Into Vortex of Circular Logic

 Posted by on 18 Mar 2013  Criminals
Mar 182013
 

Washed-up grifter Ralph Reed has been popping up, oh, once a year or so, to remind us that he is still not in jail and has some things he would like to say at you.

This time it is about teh gayz.

Take it away, Right Wing Watch:

Reed proceeded to cite some unnamed CEO who claimed to have studied the most productive staff in the company and discovered that “the number one determinant of how hard they worked and how dedicated they were” was coming from an intact, loving family.

Of course, that might lead one to ask how exactly that is supposed to be an argument against gay marriage, since gay marriage would only lead to the creation of more intact, loving families, but Reed wasn’t buying it because “we have not tested that thesis on a national level.”

Apparently the anecdotal evidence that Reed gleaned from some anonymous CEO was very convincing but the idea that gay families could also produce productive, hard working citizens was too untested and so it would be dangerous to “tinker” with the institution of marriage so “willy-nilly.”

Haha, did you catch that? We cannot let gays get married because the effect on society has not been measured!

So should we let them get married, you know, just so we can conduct such a study?

No, because we do not know what will happen, because it has not been studied.

And so on!

Obama Is the Devil: Proof

 Posted by on 18 Mar 2013  Satan
Mar 182013
 

Ladies and gentlemen, we got ‘im.

The increasingly irrelevant History Channel is apparently airing a series about some incredibly irrelevant and obscure old book called The Bible, and this is their take on the Dark Lord.

Get it? It looks like President Obama, who is the Devil!

[Buzzfeed]

America Cries: Ed Schultz to Be Replaced by the Smarter, More Thoughtful Chris Hayes

 Posted by on 15 Mar 2013  Good Riddance
Mar 152013
 

MSNBC. What is it? I mean, besides the channel next to the channel that your hotel room teevee  automatically shows when you turn it on.

See, your GoddamnLiberal went from being 100% sucker to only 50% sucker when she told Comcast to shove it and gave up the boob tubes, but kept the internetz, years ago. Prior to that time, MSNBC had become a channel that I did not mind having on at home in the background or whatever. Rachel Maddow, being a Beautiful Intelligent Lesbian Lady (a BILL, if you will), hosts the only MSNBC show that I did and still do watch religiously. But there used to be Keith Olbermann (remember him?), and then Lawrence O’Donnell showed up, and he was tolerable for a while…

But seriously, what the fuck has happened at MSNBC lately? It has become a very sad joke. (RM excluded, of course.) The Cycle? Martin Bashir? These shows are terrible, and MSNBC’s journalistic integrity has degraded as a result of them. I can’t even bear to watch most shows on the channel any more, not even at a very low volume.

The worst offender? Ed mother-fuckin’ Schultz. The word is out now that his primetime slot is being given to Chris Hayes, of Up with Chris Hayes – you know, that show that you never ever watch because it’s on at 8 in the morning on Saturdays and Sundays?

The boohoos from the left have been a little bit surprising. Yes, Schultz has been a champion for workers’ issues, and I get that this is not a “Is he a good guy or a bad guy?” kind of an issue, but libruls, how is it that almost all of you have forgotten about (or forgiven him for?) the little incident in which he called a lady pundit a slut because, you know, he was all fired up and you know menz, sometimes they just need to yell and shriek and call ladies sluts, no big deal!

No. Big deal! We all have different issues that we’re passionate about, and Schultz’s is the working class, not women’s rights, right? Wrong. Workers’ rights are women’s rights, dummy. Because we are workers! And I’m sorry to say a slip of the tongue like that reveals a lot, IMO, about how he really feels.

So, okay, PoliticusUSA, what’s your beef?

The reason why Chris Hayes is moving to 8 PM is because MSNBC thinks that they can attract more viewers by not talking about issues that impact the working class.

Is that right? Seems odd, but okay…

The New York Times has the skinny on why Ed Schultz was moved to weekends, “The change is predicated on the belief that MSNBC can win a wider audience with Mr. Hayes than it did with Mr. Schultz, a champion of the working class whose bluster didn’t always pair well with Ms. Maddow and the channel’s other prime-time program, “The Last Word with Lawrence O’Donnell.” Mr. Hayes, on the other hand, is just as wonky as Ms. Maddow and Mr. O’Donnell, and is a regular contributor to both of their programs.”

MSNBC thinks that their viewers don’t want to hear about working class issues, so they dumped Ed Schultz for a man whose only familiarity with the term blue collar comes from books and shirt colors. White intellectual progressives are overjoyed by this move, but the execs at MSNBC don’t seem to have any clue about who is actually running the left now.

Do tell! Who is “running the left”? (Isn’t it Soros?)

White progressives aren’t in charge anymore.

Oh, fuck!

The Obama coalition of women, African-Americans, Hispanics, gays, and young people is powering the left. If MSNBC really wanted to reach a broader audience, they would have promoted someone who looks and sounds like that audience into prime time. There is not a single non-white host on cable news between 8-11 PM ET. This trend will continue with Chris Hayes.

But what if I am a white progressive and a woman? Am I still in charge??

Okay, everybody just calm the fuck down for a minute. I hear you – sort of. What does the working class want more: a Hannity figure, someone to get them all fired up about shit? Or a nuanced discussion of the issues? Maybe it’s because I am looking down at the blue collar working class from my tall, Ivory Tower – squinting, really, I mean they look like ants from up here! – but I say they (we!) deserve the latter. Ed Schultz, take your ridiculous texting polls and go back to Air America or whatever.

America’s Most Embarrassing Question: Why. Do. They. Hate Us?

 Posted by on 15 Jan 2013  You Don't Like Amurka You Can Git Out
Jan 152013
 
America's Most Embarrassing Question: Why. Do. They. Hate Us?

It is a known fact that Innocent Princess country America has never harmed anyone ever. But would you believe that an increasing number of non-American people want to bomb our brains out anyway? It is true. (If you see something, say something.) READ MORE>>

Allen West Will Now Be Your New, Sexier, Blacker Sarah Palin

 Posted by on 21 Nov 2012  Picking Winners and Losers
Nov 212012
 
Allen West Will Now Be Your New, Sexier, Blacker Sarah Palin

And so launched the lucrative post-government career of one of the most banal, mean-spirited women ever to bounce out of politics and into our laps. (With boners!) West can never dream of topping the Queen.

40 Days to the Obamapocalypse: Can “Pulpit Freedom Sunday” Save America?

 Posted by on 29 Sep 2012  You Don't Like Amurka You Can Git Out
Sep 292012
 
40 Days to the Obamapocalypse: Can "Pulpit Freedom Sunday" Save America?

The Apocalypse. What is it? What should we be doing to avoid it/hasten its arrival? (Hint: The answer to both is Israel!) We will all soon find out come November 6th, when our Kenyan Overlord voter-frauds his way into a second term, ushering in the Morally-Crumbling American Hellscape that we thought only existed in the fevered nightmares of The Prophet Rick Santorum (p.b.u.h.).

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