Jul 052011

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY)A batshit proposal.

Imagine that we live in the Bizarro World – you know, where up is down and day is night – and in the Bizarro U.S.A. there is a legislature that looks just like ours with one enormous difference: the majority of the Democrats have signed a pledge promising that they will never cut spending. Never. Not ever ever ever.

In this world, the Democratic party has disintegrated into something that looks more like a brainwashed cult than a political party. If they don’t sign the pledge, they will be annihilated politically. As time goes on, the content of this pledge becomes more and more divorced from reality, but by this time it has taken on a life of its own. Democratic Senators and Congressmen make baseless claims about how this or that historical leader never made spending cuts, and the media – which leans more and more toward sensationalism than actual journalism – just yawns and gives them a perpetual megaphone.

But what if a program has been deemed completely unnecessary? Doesn’t matter. No cuts. What about waste and abuse? What about fraud? No problem. The “independent” think tanks – which have actually been set up by super-powerful bureaucracies – will back up every claim they make, so they all can stay in business.

In the Bizarro World, of course, no comparable pledge has been taken by the Republicans. That’s right. It’s a world where you’ll never have to worry about this creepy-ass image getting burned into your memory:

Stand with your Boehner

And it’s a world where you won’t see drivel like this every Sunday:

Oh no. In the Bizarro World, the only thing you’ll see this Jimmy Stewart/giant tortoise love child doing on television is capitulating to the Democrats. (Did I mention that the media is so afraid of being labeled conservative that all they do is spew liberal propaganda?) McConnell, Boehner and their ilk will continue to concede to the Democrats over and over, and the Democrats – who, of course, won’t budge – just keep moving the goal post further and further to the left. In this world, the Republicans are the reasonable ones, just trying to come up with a compromise that makes the most people happy, and is the best way forward for the country.

It’s almost impossible to imagine. First of all, the vast majority of liberals would never dream of asking their representatives to sign such a pledge. Why? Because it’s ridiculous. It quite clearly would be disastrous for the country. It puts all hopes of pragmatism to rest. If one side is not negotiating, it’s not a negotiation.

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