Cylon-American Republican presidential primary candidate Mitt “Mittens” Romney is doing that thing again. Every time he tries to make himself appear human he somehow manages to come out looking like a Commodore 64 with giant novelty sunglasses and a wide-brimmed hat that has somehow gotten wrapped up in the high-stakes hijinx of running for president. Mittens would prefer that the media just Leave Him Alone And Let Him Win Already, but, unfortunately, Republican primary voters occasionally have fleeting moments of being interested in “what he has to say.” This is always devastating to everyone involved. This story about him in Parade magazine is no exception.
When asked how he spends his Saturdays, this was the humanoid’s response:
When the whole family’s together, we start with a big breakfast. Ann makes batter for pancakes, and I flip them. Then we go to church for three hours. In the afternoon, we’ll watch a football game, tell stories, wrestle, read, take walks.
It’s as if he mentally scanned all information he could glean from 1950s teevee and whittled it down into one paragraph. Wrestling? Church, for chrissake??